So I am stopping sugar as of today. I am feeling the withdrawals as I write this post with quivering fingers.
Scott and I decided to make a bet: I would stop sugar cold turkey while he would stop diet soda. I am allowed my few teaspoons of sugar in the morning with my coffee and he is allowed one regular soda a day just so we don't go completely insane.
I have contemplated giving up sugar multiple times. Everyone always asks why or likes to state that I shouldn't deprive myself. I don't think people understand how addicted to sugar I am. And when I say addicted I mean addicted.
Some people are addicted to cigarettes, some drugs. I am addicted to sugar. Of course I temper it with a food snob's sensibilities. I can't have any old sugar. It needs to be good, respectable forms of sugar. Take for instance home made chocolate chip cookies none of this chips ahoy crap! I want quality which by the way is probably the only reason I am not 400 lbs...I need quality sugar. And in case you are wondering, no I am not morbidly obese. I am overweight but I stay active. I don't take a bag of oreo's to my closet and have an eating contest of one.
Anyway. I have thought for a very long time that my dependence on sugar was holding me back. Its that one thing that I can't seem to overcome. Its now become this challenge. Mind over matter.
Well when you also get down and dirty when it comes to what sugar is and how it can affect your body it isn't the best "food" to be consuming. I also have to ask if its inline with my food philosophy. I am trying really hard to eat food in its most natural forms and do I want to ruin that with sugar?
I am under no illusions here. I will eat sugar again and that I know to be the truth. I am hoping to make it sugar free (well the most obvious forms of it at least! I am not going to read labels like crazy)to October. I want my wonderful birthday cake to be the first taste of sugar...so October 23 here I come....wish me luck.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
I am a Reader
I am a reader. Its the single most defining sentence to me. Reading, writing, books, stories is the essence of who I am, other than maybe loving animals. I remember the days when I was first learning to read. I was so frustrated because I could identify some words but not others and the inability to understand it all knowing there was something behind all those words was killing me. And then one day I could read...just like that.
I read everything I could get my hands on. I loved summers because then I could read without the distractions of math or science or any of the other silly subjects in school. The local libraries would have summer reading programs for the kids...always a map tracking the books you read and getting prizes at different milestones. I would always scream through the maps finishing before a quarter of summer was even up. The late summer nights with the cool wet feel of the swamp cooler running and my single light in my blue bedroom. I would laugh and cry with all the characters living hundreds of lives in just a few months. I miss those days so very much.
I had fantasies of living in a library (and if I hadn't gotten married at the Grand Canyon; a library would have been a very good second choice!). I dream often of being surrounded by books...all that potential just waiting to be let loose. I so desperately want to design a house that has bookshelves in every room, including bathrooms and kitchens! It would be an odd place for sure, but so very comforting to me. For now I suffice with three six foot book cases, although I need more.
I am not a person who collects things. I never quite understood the purpose of collecting objects, especially if for no real purpose. I tried with Breyer horses for a while, but by adulthood I got sick of packing them up each time I moved. Ah but my books are of another matter. So far 8 heavy boxes the last time we moved. And yet I acquire more. I can't stop. Its more than just having them...its stories and ideas all at my finger tips waiting to expose themselves to me at the moment I need them most.
Books are a need to me like food or water. I am convinced that my brain would shrivel up and die if I couldn't read books. The act of reading expands my mind exponentially and its a better high than any man made drug could ever conjure. Ah so maybe it truly is more than a need, its an addiction. An addiction that should never have a treatment to cure.
And yet here I am today wanting to read and not finding anything that is inspiring me at the moment. There is nothing worse than rummaging through my stacks and finding all sorts of books I still haven't read and yet not being inclined to read them. I was sitting there thinking I need a book that will speak to my soul. Ha! Like that book is just sitting there with a neon sign attached stating: "Life Changing Book Here" with an arrow attached. No such luck.
And so instead of reading I write. If not to be inspired by someone else's story I tell my own hoping it will inspire someone else.
I read everything I could get my hands on. I loved summers because then I could read without the distractions of math or science or any of the other silly subjects in school. The local libraries would have summer reading programs for the kids...always a map tracking the books you read and getting prizes at different milestones. I would always scream through the maps finishing before a quarter of summer was even up. The late summer nights with the cool wet feel of the swamp cooler running and my single light in my blue bedroom. I would laugh and cry with all the characters living hundreds of lives in just a few months. I miss those days so very much.
I had fantasies of living in a library (and if I hadn't gotten married at the Grand Canyon; a library would have been a very good second choice!). I dream often of being surrounded by books...all that potential just waiting to be let loose. I so desperately want to design a house that has bookshelves in every room, including bathrooms and kitchens! It would be an odd place for sure, but so very comforting to me. For now I suffice with three six foot book cases, although I need more.
I am not a person who collects things. I never quite understood the purpose of collecting objects, especially if for no real purpose. I tried with Breyer horses for a while, but by adulthood I got sick of packing them up each time I moved. Ah but my books are of another matter. So far 8 heavy boxes the last time we moved. And yet I acquire more. I can't stop. Its more than just having them...its stories and ideas all at my finger tips waiting to expose themselves to me at the moment I need them most.
Books are a need to me like food or water. I am convinced that my brain would shrivel up and die if I couldn't read books. The act of reading expands my mind exponentially and its a better high than any man made drug could ever conjure. Ah so maybe it truly is more than a need, its an addiction. An addiction that should never have a treatment to cure.
And yet here I am today wanting to read and not finding anything that is inspiring me at the moment. There is nothing worse than rummaging through my stacks and finding all sorts of books I still haven't read and yet not being inclined to read them. I was sitting there thinking I need a book that will speak to my soul. Ha! Like that book is just sitting there with a neon sign attached stating: "Life Changing Book Here" with an arrow attached. No such luck.
And so instead of reading I write. If not to be inspired by someone else's story I tell my own hoping it will inspire someone else.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
The Simple Things...
Do you ever think you get away from the important things in life? Do you forget to savor the little things? I am a person that prides myself on being able to remember to savor life, but lately with all that's going on I have forgotten.
I am slowly trying to remember again and here are a few of my highlights:
1-Riding my bike in the early morning with the sun just starting to peak and the air crisp. The cold breeze stinging my skin just the slightest while the chilly air rushes into my lungs. I feel so alive and I just want that moment to last forever.
2-The days when Weiser (my African Grey parrot) makes little kissing noises at me and gives me this look of wonder and excitement for just seeing my face. He seems to relax when I smile at him and to know you give that much comfort to another creature on this planet well your heart swells.
3-The day you stop and smell the coffee in your cup...usually I guzzle it down so my day can get started as soon as possible. If you just sit and look out the window enjoy the morning sun and smell the strong aroma of the coffee. You take that first sip and it's hot but the flavor melts on your tongue. Somehow sipping coffee always makes me feel like all is right in the world.
I have read in many places that you should write down the things you are thankful for and in doing so you gain a different perspective. You are able to find and maintain balance. It really is the simple things in life....
I am slowly trying to remember again and here are a few of my highlights:
1-Riding my bike in the early morning with the sun just starting to peak and the air crisp. The cold breeze stinging my skin just the slightest while the chilly air rushes into my lungs. I feel so alive and I just want that moment to last forever.
2-The days when Weiser (my African Grey parrot) makes little kissing noises at me and gives me this look of wonder and excitement for just seeing my face. He seems to relax when I smile at him and to know you give that much comfort to another creature on this planet well your heart swells.
3-The day you stop and smell the coffee in your cup...usually I guzzle it down so my day can get started as soon as possible. If you just sit and look out the window enjoy the morning sun and smell the strong aroma of the coffee. You take that first sip and it's hot but the flavor melts on your tongue. Somehow sipping coffee always makes me feel like all is right in the world.
I have read in many places that you should write down the things you are thankful for and in doing so you gain a different perspective. You are able to find and maintain balance. It really is the simple things in life....
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Life is Hard.
Life is hard. Ok, maybe not news to you and certainly not news to me, but stark in its truth. I am a big fan of the Life is Good company. They promote such a simple but true motto and for someone always trying to live life with less complication they are the perfect shirts for me to be wearing. It doesn't hurt that the dog looks exactly like my dog. It was definitely meant to be.
But one of the other truism of life is that it may be good, but it is also hard. I say all of this because I am in a hard phase right now...harder than what I have already shared on this blog. For now, I am going to keep my trials and tribulations private because the details don't really matter. What matters is that now that I find myself in a hard place I seem to have more clarity than before. On some things at least. The problems themselves are a giant ball of confusion and fear with a little anxiety thrown in for good measure. Yet in the face of adversity some clarity has risen to the surface. Oh did I mention with the clarity came lots of philosophy?
I will let you in on a little secret about me. Whenever I come up against something that scares me or something that completely knocks me on my ass I become philosophical. I guess I believe if I can dig deep enough into the problem and figure out how it works and how it came to be that somehow the answer will be found. I warn you this doesn't always work.
So my latest philosophical rant: our current economic crisis. So many people are stunned and disbelief that something so tragic can occur.
Although science likes to believe we have evolved we really have just changed the landscape. We have traded predators for bankers and lawyers and instead of hunting we go shopping in grocery stores and Targets. In the end, the whole principle of survival stays the same.
I wish I could believe that with our technology and advancements that survival was easier, but its not. Being lucky as we are to live in the place we do, we have been lulled into a false sense of security. We live incredibly luxurious lives that we believe to be the norm or the standard and then when faced with something different it seems so tragic. Is it really tragic or just an awakening or a remembering of what life is really about?
I think if I keep going I am somehow going to find myself asking "What is the meaning of life" and like all others before me not really having an answer. I was looking for some perspective. Life is hard and many times unpredictable. You can't always prepare for it but you need to always be remembering it. You need to put the things that really matter in the fore front of your mind and keep focused. You have to be willing to let things that really don't matter fall to the way side. Of course, actually doing any of those things in practice is difficult which again brings me back to life is hard.
Maybe I should create a t-shirt with a stick figure knocking their head against the wall and the statement Life is Hard.
As I like to sometimes say at work, I am reaching for my positive hat and my Life is Good shirt and just maybe that will make everything ok.
But one of the other truism of life is that it may be good, but it is also hard. I say all of this because I am in a hard phase right now...harder than what I have already shared on this blog. For now, I am going to keep my trials and tribulations private because the details don't really matter. What matters is that now that I find myself in a hard place I seem to have more clarity than before. On some things at least. The problems themselves are a giant ball of confusion and fear with a little anxiety thrown in for good measure. Yet in the face of adversity some clarity has risen to the surface. Oh did I mention with the clarity came lots of philosophy?
I will let you in on a little secret about me. Whenever I come up against something that scares me or something that completely knocks me on my ass I become philosophical. I guess I believe if I can dig deep enough into the problem and figure out how it works and how it came to be that somehow the answer will be found. I warn you this doesn't always work.
So my latest philosophical rant: our current economic crisis. So many people are stunned and disbelief that something so tragic can occur.
Although science likes to believe we have evolved we really have just changed the landscape. We have traded predators for bankers and lawyers and instead of hunting we go shopping in grocery stores and Targets. In the end, the whole principle of survival stays the same.
I wish I could believe that with our technology and advancements that survival was easier, but its not. Being lucky as we are to live in the place we do, we have been lulled into a false sense of security. We live incredibly luxurious lives that we believe to be the norm or the standard and then when faced with something different it seems so tragic. Is it really tragic or just an awakening or a remembering of what life is really about?
I think if I keep going I am somehow going to find myself asking "What is the meaning of life" and like all others before me not really having an answer. I was looking for some perspective. Life is hard and many times unpredictable. You can't always prepare for it but you need to always be remembering it. You need to put the things that really matter in the fore front of your mind and keep focused. You have to be willing to let things that really don't matter fall to the way side. Of course, actually doing any of those things in practice is difficult which again brings me back to life is hard.
Maybe I should create a t-shirt with a stick figure knocking their head against the wall and the statement Life is Hard.
As I like to sometimes say at work, I am reaching for my positive hat and my Life is Good shirt and just maybe that will make everything ok.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
30 Years on the Planet and What do I have to show for it?
I am freaking out. I turn 30 in just a mere 4 months. Unlike what most people assume, I am not concerned about the number. I have never really been concerned about my age as a number (or even my weight for that matter). Life is so much bigger than numbers. I am concerned about where I have gotten in 30 years? Am I the person I want to be? Have I made the most of my time here? How do I want to live my next 3o years? I have so many questions, very little answers and some answers I am afraid to face.
Have you ever asked yourself why its so hard to be the person you want to be? For example, I wish I was an athletic person who had a strong muscular body. I want to spend more time outside, especially hiking and camping. I want to finally get that master's degree. I would like to write a book. I wish I didn't care so much about my appearance and I wish I could find my style. I want to be a women with poise and grace. A woman who is obviously comfortable with herself and not easily unsettled. A positive person with a drive to get the things she wants out of life no matter the challenge. I want to be a force to reckon with.
Instead there is the actual me. I am much more sedentary than I should be and I have a weight problem to show it. I spend more of my time inside than out. I keep thinking about getting a master's degree but doing nothing to make it happen. I talk about writing a book and even have an idea but I don't sit down and write. I can be obsessive about the littlest of things when it comes to my hair or make up. I hate my style; it doesn't feel like me or relaxed enough and being a few pounds over weight makes me very self conscious. I have moments of poise and grace but some days they elude me. I am a pessimist and feel like my dreams and goals are too lofty. I compromise regularly and I am only a force to be reckoned with when I have been pushed to the limit, otherwise I am easy going.
How do I reconcile these two woman who are both trapped in my head? How do we become the people we are? Sometimes I think I am who I am some out of choice but other parts because of outside factors. I am pretty sedentary because I have a job that requires me to sit in a office for upwards of nine hours. And a body in motion stays in motion; a body stays at rest unless...the first law of Newton's laws people. And yet some people defy these laws. How do they do it and what am I missing or not tapping into to get myself there?
I really thought that by 30 I would have figured that part out. I had no expectations that I would have accomplished all of my goals or figured out the meaning of life. I just thought I would be more solidly on the right path, my path. I don't feel I am on someone else's path, just wandering around in the forest a bit lost. Some would say that is a good place to be and it can be educational but I could also starve to death or get eaten by a bear. There is food and safety on my path.
Here I am contemplating what I could be doing differently; trying to figure out how to defy the laws of physics. And yes, I have a headache from all this thinking. Maybe I should just get drunk, get a tattoo and get over it. My biggest challenge is trying to keep it simple and yet I go for the complicated every time.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Slow and Steady Tortoise
What a week! Like life in general, my week has not gone as planned. I was ready to jump back into some serious working out on Wednesday and then I got the blues. I could seem to snap out of it so instead I stayed home. I fell asleep on the couch and was woken up by Cocomo (one of the greys) yelling "CO-CO-MO" at the top of his lungs. I will admit it made me smile.
I decided the whole day shouldn't go to waste so I cleaned the kitchen. Scott and I had made quite the mess the day before and I had tried really hard to ignore it. I even cleaned out the fridge and wiped down the shelves. This inspired me to try and eat healthier (although I wouldn't call myself a bad eater) and so I made a grocery list. I should be honest and admit that I skipped dog training class which I still feel guilty about and I didn't go to the bird store to pick up more bird food. I had barely enough left to feed everyone in the morning. :( Not a very good steward to my charges.
After that was done I tried to do laundry and got bored with that...then I said "the hell with it" and went to bed. I proceeded to toss and turn for most of the night. I woke up cranky and still feeling blue which lasted most of the day. I was so hoping to squeeze in a bike ride to hopefully erase the blues and to redeem myself with my training schedule, but work was too busy. Ugh!
The hightlight was Scott coming home. He had been away in the Owyhee's doing and exercise with the Guard. You know you found your soul mate when your mind won't stop racing but just the sigh of your love and you find some peace. Scott brings me peace. He also reads me very well and could tell I wasn't very happy. He then proceeds to make it his mission to make me laugh or smile. He usually succeeds. We spent the afternoon finally getting that bird food (did I mention how much I love the smell of the bird food) and grocery shopping. A little fun fact about Scott and I, we love grocery shopping together. We just mesh so well and can read each other's minds that it just makes the whole process fun and easy.
We came home and I proceeded to make Scott this grilled romaine salad that I had learned to make at the cooking class on Tuesday. YUM! Its so good!!!
One episode of Bones later, we were snuggled in bed together wondering why we ever have to spend time apart. We are pathetically in love and plan to be so umpteen years from now.
Anyway. I was up at 6 am this morning back on the horse. I decided to take Sydney running with me because who better than your soul mate. (Yes I know Scott is my soul mate too! But Sydney...well there are really no words to describe what she is to me. She is my guide in life and she does her job very well) Sydney couldn't contain herself this morning when she realized that she was going too. If you know cattle dogs then you might be able to picture it. Lots of jumping and fake growling. Although once we were on the trail I could tell she was annoyed that I kept making her heel and she completely insulted me by barely trotting next to me while I was running!!! I am going to blame it on the fact that I only have 2 feet while she gets 4. I took a picture of her all wide-eyed and bushy tailed and then there's me barely able to keep my eyes open.
I decided the whole day shouldn't go to waste so I cleaned the kitchen. Scott and I had made quite the mess the day before and I had tried really hard to ignore it. I even cleaned out the fridge and wiped down the shelves. This inspired me to try and eat healthier (although I wouldn't call myself a bad eater) and so I made a grocery list. I should be honest and admit that I skipped dog training class which I still feel guilty about and I didn't go to the bird store to pick up more bird food. I had barely enough left to feed everyone in the morning. :( Not a very good steward to my charges.
After that was done I tried to do laundry and got bored with that...then I said "the hell with it" and went to bed. I proceeded to toss and turn for most of the night. I woke up cranky and still feeling blue which lasted most of the day. I was so hoping to squeeze in a bike ride to hopefully erase the blues and to redeem myself with my training schedule, but work was too busy. Ugh!
The hightlight was Scott coming home. He had been away in the Owyhee's doing and exercise with the Guard. You know you found your soul mate when your mind won't stop racing but just the sigh of your love and you find some peace. Scott brings me peace. He also reads me very well and could tell I wasn't very happy. He then proceeds to make it his mission to make me laugh or smile. He usually succeeds. We spent the afternoon finally getting that bird food (did I mention how much I love the smell of the bird food) and grocery shopping. A little fun fact about Scott and I, we love grocery shopping together. We just mesh so well and can read each other's minds that it just makes the whole process fun and easy.
We came home and I proceeded to make Scott this grilled romaine salad that I had learned to make at the cooking class on Tuesday. YUM! Its so good!!!
One episode of Bones later, we were snuggled in bed together wondering why we ever have to spend time apart. We are pathetically in love and plan to be so umpteen years from now.
Anyway. I was up at 6 am this morning back on the horse. I decided to take Sydney running with me because who better than your soul mate. (Yes I know Scott is my soul mate too! But Sydney...well there are really no words to describe what she is to me. She is my guide in life and she does her job very well) Sydney couldn't contain herself this morning when she realized that she was going too. If you know cattle dogs then you might be able to picture it. Lots of jumping and fake growling. Although once we were on the trail I could tell she was annoyed that I kept making her heel and she completely insulted me by barely trotting next to me while I was running!!! I am going to blame it on the fact that I only have 2 feet while she gets 4. I took a picture of her all wide-eyed and bushy tailed and then there's me barely able to keep my eyes open.
The run was ok. My legs feel tight and I just don't feel strong. I think I need to make more time for my weight lifting class and keep up with my yoga. Hopefully that will loosen the legs up a bit. I also just need to run more. My right hip is bothering me. I am convinced its my sciatica coming back to haunt me in a different place. A woman at my salon recommended a chiropractor...I need to find the number.
Well tomorrow is hopefully a bike ride at 6 am then off to the REI Garage Sale and then some dog training. I am trying to keep things slow and steady. No rest for the weary!
Well tomorrow is hopefully a bike ride at 6 am then off to the REI Garage Sale and then some dog training. I am trying to keep things slow and steady. No rest for the weary!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Monday Madness
Monday was crazy! I had this fantastical idea of getting up at 6 am to go out on a bike ride and yet when the alarm went off at 5:45 am I decided that continuing with my dream ride was such a better idea. Not a good start to my journey of being a triathlete, but there are obstacles to every journey. To make up for my lack of better judgement I decided to hit the day hard.
At my lunch hour I took Sydney and Luna for a dog walk around the neighborhood (about 25 minutes) and then right at 5 pm sharp I hit the greenbelt with Scott. I felt so good! I was screaming down the belt leaving Scott in the dust. In his defense, he was riding his mountain bike. Even so..it was a great ride and I feel really strong on the bike.
But the day wasn't over yet! I jumped back in the car and headed to the gym!! I barely made it in time to slip into my BodyFlow class. Its a fusion between tai chi, yoga and pilates. Love my BodyFlow classes. I was feeling so good from the bike ride that I stretched myself to the limit...literally.
So 6 am rolls around this morning and I was supposed to be on the greenbelt running with Gretchen, but no...I could barely move. I bailed. Still feeling the guilt from that one.
Today was an incredibly busy day at work so I was unable to squeeze in my walk and I had plans after work. Getting a workout in every day is going to be tough, if not impossible.
On a high note I have been doing some research on our local YMCA. They have incredible programs and offer tri training specifically. They also sponsor a Y Tri Triathlon in early August. Its the perfect race to start with..1/4 mile swim, 6 mile ride and a 2 mile run. I can do that!!!
Now I just have to fund all these activities. Hobbies sure can get expensive!
At my lunch hour I took Sydney and Luna for a dog walk around the neighborhood (about 25 minutes) and then right at 5 pm sharp I hit the greenbelt with Scott. I felt so good! I was screaming down the belt leaving Scott in the dust. In his defense, he was riding his mountain bike. Even so..it was a great ride and I feel really strong on the bike.
But the day wasn't over yet! I jumped back in the car and headed to the gym!! I barely made it in time to slip into my BodyFlow class. Its a fusion between tai chi, yoga and pilates. Love my BodyFlow classes. I was feeling so good from the bike ride that I stretched myself to the limit...literally.
So 6 am rolls around this morning and I was supposed to be on the greenbelt running with Gretchen, but no...I could barely move. I bailed. Still feeling the guilt from that one.
Today was an incredibly busy day at work so I was unable to squeeze in my walk and I had plans after work. Getting a workout in every day is going to be tough, if not impossible.
On a high note I have been doing some research on our local YMCA. They have incredible programs and offer tri training specifically. They also sponsor a Y Tri Triathlon in early August. Its the perfect race to start with..1/4 mile swim, 6 mile ride and a 2 mile run. I can do that!!!
Now I just have to fund all these activities. Hobbies sure can get expensive!
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