I have been doing a lot of thinking about my motto, "I am a complicated person in constant pursuit of simplicity" Often I feel this line is a bit of a joke. I am indeed a complicated person but rarely do I find myself in constant pursuit of simplicity. Quite honestly, its seems, I do the exact opposite.
Case in point. I just quit (well my last day is August 31) my full time job (working in the environmental movement which I had dreamed of doing for a long time) in the middle of the biggest economic downturn since the Great Depression. I decided to go back to graduate school to become a librarian (because deep in my soul that is what I am). I still have all my real-life responsibilities like mortgage payments, electric bills and groceries. Not to mention the 12 pets (3 dogs, 3 parrots, 5 chickens and a canary) that I am responsible for and the burgeoning homestead I am trying to create in my backyard. Oh, I almost forgot, I also want (well I constantly flip flop on this one because I am scared and thrilled by the idea all at the same time) to have a baby during all of this hullabaloo. And, AND...my dear sweet husband (who supports and at times even encourages this lunacy) is gone about half the time since he is an airline pilot so all of this craziness is mostly left for me to coordinate.
Does that sound simple to you?
Yeah, me neither and hence why I feel my motto is being a bit hypocritical. Maybe, just maybe the simple life is overrated? I suppose by saying I was in constant pursuit of simplicity I meant that I was looking for balance in my complicated life not necessarily a simple life. I have to be honest, I gravitate to the complicated (and more importantly I need to admit to myself that I like it). My complicated life makes me feel that I am living my life to the fullest. I am not sitting around waiting for life to happen to me, I am going out there and grabbing it by the bull horns (and on some especially cantankerous days grabbing it by the balls!)!
Now don't get the idea that I want to be some kind of super woman. I definitely do not want to be nor claim to be one of those. I just see super women as jamming their every day lives to the brim with stuff (important and maybe not so important stuff). I don't advocate jamming. I like to casually fill my days and weeks. Sort of how you casually fill you glass with vodka. You just pour until it looks right. ;)
My complicated life is about feeding my soul. Its the constant pursuit of the sweet raw nectar of the human experience. Its about deep, committed, unconditional relationships with pure souls be those of a bird, dog, or human. I want to leave a mark on this world, even if its small and inconsequential. More importantly, I want to make sure the world leaves a mark on me.
I think this revelation probably deserves a revamp of my blog. Can I really still be Plain-Simple-True? I am not sure. I am going to be thinking about what motto better reflects my constant pursuit of complication (with a little balance mixed in) and just might have to give my blog a makeover. Get ready, because the future is going to be a wild ride!
2 comments:
I loved this post Nicole. As you know, I've spent several years searching for my own version of fulfillment, and I do think I've found it in the field of special education. It took a long time to find with countless wrong turns. I really encourage you to follow your path. Sometimes what you think you want turns out to be a dead end. Growing up I always wanted to be a sports writer. Then when I actually became one I was miserable. Going back to school is scary, but it's exciting as well. And weve got the worlds greatest spouses to support us :) I felt this past year that my life did feel simpler and better now that I am pursuing something that I'm passionate about. Go get em Nicole!
- Dave
Thanks Dave for your words of encouragement. They mean so much! I am glad you have found your passion and I am pretty exciting about mine too! We are very lucky to have some pretty amazing spouses for sure! Hope we can see you two soon!
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